Spend 5 minutes on the I-10/Katy freeway in Houston during rush hour and you may quickly become a raging maniac and feel like you’re playing bumper cars. I have spent more than my fair share of time either driving on the freeway in my personal car or riding on a Metro bus. It’s interesting,or should I say scary, to watch mild mannered drivers turn into homicidal maniacs in just a few short miles.
It gets especially dangerous if you happen to be driving in a small vehicle. It’s either get out of the way (even if you’re in the supposedly “slow” lane) or get run over. Drivers will get right on your rear end and see how close they can get to you without actually touching bumpers, although at times I could swear that I did feel a bump when some of them got a little too close!
I can truthfully say the problem is not me, it’s you, and him and her and them. You know who you are, you’re:
- Big Bubba – driving the F250 Diesel, with 4wheel drive, a lift kit and spotlights all along the top of your cab. You’re the guy that needs a step ladder to even get into your truck. Then you turn on all the spotlight (even in broad daylight), put your lights on bright and then try to see if just maybe you can run right over the top of my car, without actually causing any damage. Then again, if there is damage, who’s gonna stop you?
- Mario Andretti – the type of car doesn’t matter. You could be driving a moped and you would still be darting in between cars, crossing three lanes of traffic at a time, flooring the accelerator to pass me then slamming on the brakes so you don’t hit the next car, never using your blinker because after all, by the time you turned it on you would already be two lanes over. Interesting enough, even with all your lane changes and quick moves, I normally still arrive at the next stop light at the same time as you – go figure!
- Makeup Maria – late for work again so you’re putting on your makeup, curling your hair (tell me again why someone invented battery operated curling irons), applying the lipstick, inserting your contact lenses, etc., while driving with your knees. Of course, you also have the car’s vanity mirror folded down, with the 100 watt bulbs (just a small upgrade to the car purchase price) to make sure you don’t miss any of those problem spots. Gotta look good for the office!
- Businessman Bob – driving the BMW with the 17 inch laptop open and resting on the passenger seat so you can put the finishing touches on that word document while you drive, holding your cellphone up to your ear talking to the office while answering emails with your second cellphone while trying to change radio stations while trying to drive and screaming at everyone to get out of your way. Don’t they know how important you are?
- Leo the Landscaper – driving the 50 year old, smoke belching, dented old pickup that is held together by duct tape, while towing the 20 foot trailer filled full of lawnmowers, trash, branches and dirt. We know where you’ve been because there is a trail of dead leaves, rocks, dirt and mower parts behind you. And of course you’re driving down the middle lane with the windows open and the radio at full blast listening to music only you can understand. And why don’t you use your blinkers? Probably because they were not invented yet when the pickup you are driving was manufactured!
If I have not mentioned you yet, don’t worry. I’m just getting started, stay tuned for Part Two next week.
My Speedbumps 