What is your job title? I am the Director of Fiscal Irresponsibility, Nonfinancial Planning and Guesstimations.
How long have you been with the company? I have been here 45 years, 10 months, 3 weeks, 5 days, 6 hours and 25 seconds.
Tell us a little about yourself. I have been married 21 times, engaged 3 times and am now single and living with my mom in her Cadillac underneath a bridge. I went to college on a javelin catching scholarship (I can catch 8 out of 10 javelins thrown at me), graduated Suma Cum Laude from Hail Mary University with a degree in motivational speaking and went straight into the banking industry as a Maintenance Engineer. I am a world class sprinter (I once outran Mercury Morris in the 40 yard dash), hold the world record in speed macramé knitting and am currently working on my Anthropolgy Sociology degree. I love to cook and my specialty is sweet bread smothered in butter and Sriracha sauce. I invented the pet rock but sold the idea to a friend for a case of Budweiser. I have been there, done that, bought and sold the t-shirt.
What are some of the things that you are doing to improve a customer’s experience with our company? I try to keep the parking lot clean, yellow lines painted and employee cars lined up in order by shape and color, however I am also color blind so that tends to give me trouble sometimes. Still, I do my best to make sure everyone stays happy.
What is the single biggest challenge you face in doing your job? Trying to stay focused, I was hit in the head a couple of time in college during javelin catching practice and I tend to drift off every once in awhile and forget what I was talking about. I tend to drift off every once in awhile and forget what I was talking about…what were we talking about?
What are some of your personality traits that contribute to your on-the-job success? I am lazy, ambitious, love to gossip, a great listener, like to roam throughout the building, try to bug everyone I can as much as possible and love to pester my peers with never-ending, pointless questions. However, I do show up to work on time, every day and I never take time off. I love my job and this company.
Tell us one thing about yourself that would surprise us. I am a figment of Ken’s imagination. The only reason my story is here is because he wants to make a point about “that employee.” I am not sure what his point is or who “that employee” is or even what he means by that.
Ok, so Wesley is not a real person, but I hope you get my point. We all have “that employee” in the workplace. He/she is the one that always has the off the wall question about the subject you just spent 22 minutes discussing, is the first one to arrive and last one to leave the party, makes sure he/she speaks (annoys) to everyone, always does just enough to get by and never enough wrong things to get fired, is an expert on everything and always has an opinion to share but is always at work on time.
Who is “that employee?” He/she is the employee that you love to hate, but you can also always count on them being at work and on time, regardless of the weather. He/she is the one that annoys the crap out of you, but is always available to lend you a hand when everyone else is running out the door. “That employee” is the one that keeps the business running. They may be a Mr. PIB (Pain intha butt) but they are your Mr. PIB and I daresay you can’t get along without them. So what do you do?
Work with them, teach them, reward them, keep smiling and remember – you’re the manager. It’s your job to turn all their idiosyncrasies into positive attributes so they can be a productive employee. So, get to work.