And last but not least, here are just a few more of the “friends” that I share the road with on a daily basis, although they do tend to take up more of the road than I do….
- Retiree Ricky– driving the 80 foot RV down the middle of the highway while pulling a small car that also has a boat attached. Of course that doesn’t include the three lawn chairs, two bicycles, ice chest and ladder tied on the back bumper. You’re the one that when you left the last RV park you forgot to secure waste cap so you’re dripping soapy dish water, clumpy brown water (I don’t even want to know what the clumps are) and garbage all up and down the highway. You’re easy to follow because of the wet trail you leave behind. Plus, since it’s been a few months since you last drove this monster you are still “getting the hang of it” and tend to drift from one side of the lane to another. You get so close that I have been able to color in the empty states on the map of the USA posted on the side of your RV of the places you have visited. But hey, you’re retired with no specific place to go so who cares how long it takes you to get there?
- Mr. 18 wheeler – where do I start? Should I complain about you driving in the left hand lane with 10 car lengths between you and the next vehicle, or about you and three of your buddies driving side by side down a five lane highway at 5 miles under the speed limit and making it impossible to get around, or about you riding two inches off my bumper and then blaring your horn and flashing your lights wanting me to move over even though we are both driving 10 miles over the speed limit, or about the flat tire you have that is throwing rubber all over the road so that it seems like I am having to play dodgeball to keep from being hit by one of them, or about the wide turns you make as I am stopped at the red light and you miss my car by ½ an inch because I can’t back up or move over and you are laughing the whole time because of the look of terror on my face, No, I don’t think I will mention any of those issues.
- Teenage Tina – driving the 4 passenger car with 6 of your besties jam packed inside while drinking your Grande Iced Caramel Vanilla Macchiato with Extra Espresso, texting your boyfriend and taking a “selfie” with the radio on full blast to the latest Bruno Mars. You’re the one we try to stay away from because you drive anywhere from super slow to super fast, changing lanes at the last second because otherwise you will miss your exit. We never know how you are going to drive, so it’s better to just move over and let you get by.
- Traffic Tommy – traffic, what traffic? If the traffic slows down, you immediately swerve over to shoulder and drive on that to get around everyone, or you will navigate between the white poles that separate normal traffic lanes from HOV lanes and get in the HOV lane (after all, there are not any cops around so you can drive on it free). The traffic laws are not for you, they’re for everyone else because they need laws to keep them in line and out of your way. After all, you’re more important than everyone else and have someplace you need to be. Okay, maybe it’s not that important, but you still need to be there now. Okay, maybe you don’t need to be there now, but you might as well get there as fast as possible, after all you’re just surrounded by a bunch of losers.
This is what driving on Houston freeways is like. You meet the most interesting (crazy, homicidal, nut jobs) people and I can truthfully say the problem is not me, it’s you, and him and her and them!